Nightly Torment
by mandaree1
Summary: Steven's definition of "I'm fine." is a bit askew.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe!**

 **Title: Nightly Torment**

 **Summary: Steven's definition of "I'm fine." is a bit askew.**

 **Warnings: Steven needs therapy.**

 **...**

The background reminds Steven of that one time Lapis used her mirror powers to make a play for him. There's no real substance to it, just a blob with shapes made out of putty.

Steven knows it's just another nightmare, knows exactly what it will entail, but every time always feels like the first. He clenches his hand around the gem in his belly and waits.

Slowly her features became more discernible. Wild rainbow hair, proud eyes, the broad shoulders and large hands. She's what Steven has been taught from a young age is beautiful; someone strong and brave, comfortable in body and powerful in heart.

It was gems like Bismuth and Rose who shaped the war. It was gems like Garnet and Pearl who fought and supplied it. Gems like Amethyst- who is somehow considered defective even though she has all her wits about her- who can live because of it.

Steven wished he had her resolve, her willpower. He's glad he doesn't.

Out of the blob came a shape, red-ish and empty. It lurches toward her, wielding a sword.

Steven dives to position himself before her, because maybe, just maybe, things would be better this way. This strong gem, who fought so many battles, could live free another day.

He comes up short. There's a familiar steel hilt in his hands.

He doesn't open his eyes for the longest time. Maybe, if he goes blind, it'll be like it never happened. Finally he plucks up the courage.

There's a dark sort of anger simmering around the edges of her eyes, but mostly there's just betrayal. Sword piercing her stomach, Bismuth stares down at him, as though in shock.

If this had been real life, she wouldn't feel that way. She wouldn't be staring at him with such fear. She would be accepting, willing to poof with no further resistance.

This isn't real life.

"You really are better than _her_."

The cloud she creates entangles him, bringing Steven into the screech of battle. Shadows are clashing and screaming every which way he looks. He thinks he may hear a moan of agony nearby.

The battle comes to a halt. As though mesmerized, they all watch blankly as Eyeball shrieks. And suddenly he's before _her_ , kneeling in the shattered remains of what could only be Pink Diamond.

The sorely missed and comforting arms of Pearl are wrapped around her stomach, supporting Rose in her grief. Eyeball is still screaming.

"You did it." She murmurs comfortingly. "We're free."

Rose is staring down at him; or, perhaps, staring down at Pink Diamond's remains. Her brow is drawn, mouth screwed in a sour frown. She looks disgusted by his mere existence, especially when placed in front of her.

The brush-off by this highly-spoken woman, even if one he had never met, left a hole in Steven's heart. He stood and stumbled away from her, searching for a familiar gem to comfort him.

He clung to Garnet, standing stiffly beside what looked to be a Quartz soldier. She didn't return the touch, which shocked and confused him. Garnet loved hugging and snuggling.

Her three eyes were trained on Rose. No matter how much she said she loved him, they always _would be_ , he realized with a sinking heart. The hole seemed to have suddenly widened, until finally he felt torn to shreds.

He felt the world shift abruptly on its axis, and he stumbled. Rose's statue overshadowed him, peaceful and serene and covered in vines.

Disgusted by his own betrayal, ashamed of even _dreaming_ of his mother in even a slightly bad light when all his life he'd been told nothing but good about her until recently, he reared back, set on destroying the source of his anguish, hoping to make it all disappear.

A noise stopped him. A snore.

Amethyst lay besides her like a loyal pet, curled into a small ball. Her hair was facing him, but he noticed a hand set on the statue's knee like a caring housewife's, and felt a new wave of guilt wash over him.

Amethyst had been her real child, he thought. The one she raised. And, yet, he felt in interest in considering her as something lesser, like a sister, when instead she could be just _Amethyst_.

Steven crawled into Rose's stone lap and sought the familiar roughness of Amethyst's calloused hand. She didn't stir, but he felt some measure of comfort nonetheless. He attempted to learn how to sleep within a dream.

 **Author's Note: I felt the need to delve into Steven's issues a bit more via dream world. I know the Rubies didn't really make an appearance, but I wanted to keep this more Rose-Steven centric, with a little Steven-Amethyst love.**

 **Also I might be salty that people say Amethyst isn't Steven's mom despite helping raise him his whole life. Being playful and competitive doesn't necessarily make you not a mom- my own mother reminds me a lot of a more stable Amethyst.**

 **-Mandareeboo**


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